The time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things...Of shoes, and tops, and skinny jeans, of bubble necklaces and rings.

Okay so that's not how 'The Walrus & The Carpenter' goes but I improvised. It is no secret that I love fashion, much to Owen's dismay. When I think about what I'd buy first when I win the lottery my mind always goes to clothes. Animal rescues are a close second followed by family - It is also no secret that I think I love furry animals more than humans, but let's file that topic for another day.

Many women will deny it but it's fact that most of us dress for each other or ourselves, not for those hairy homo-sapiens with itchy crotches and receding hairlines. Men just don't 'get it' unless they're gay. Then, yea then, they get it. Off on a tangent here... why can't gay men keep their gay qualities and turn straight? Fashion advice from your husband and encouragement to expand upon your wardrobe?! AND he likes to snuggle and gossip?! Where do I sign up?!

Moving on...my husband is one of those that doesn't 'get it'. I can spend hours getting ready and he may not notice how amazing I look in my new chiffon studded blouse. However, for example - true story, he will tell me how great I look when I get home from work, take my top off...whoa whoa...just the top that is over the cami (Man Translation: Tank Top) that I'm wearing, and sprawl out on the couch in my jeans with disheveled hair. Seriously? Seriously. Maybe us girls are the ones who don't get it?

I don't let his lack of appreciation for fashion stop me ladies. NO I DO NOT. NO MA'AM. I have to stand up for my women's rights and all of that jazz. I've been told that I have a very strict style and I agree. I rarely veer from the path that I've set forth for myself in the fashion lane. I know my body and am at peace with my stubby height. I know what works and what doesn't. Here are some of my favs and tips for those of you whom are short and dumpy like myself...

• 4"in-5"in heels a must. They elongate the leg and with them you should be just above armpit level when walking and talking with normal sized humans. I've spoken directly with enough boobs and armpits in my life to know that flats are a no-go.
• Leggings are your friend, especially when paired with heeled boots. However, you are NOT a hipster. Do not wear them with flats unless you'd like to be confused with a 12 year old and/or a part of Willy Wonka's posse.
• Longer blouses/tops. They make your torso seem longer than it actually is. I'm pretty sure that there's only an inch between my hips and belly button, and belly button and chest. No one needs to know that though.
• Dresses hitting at mid thigh. Anything longer makes you look stumpy, anything shorter makes you look like a midget stripper. Mid-thigh is the way to go.
• Scarves. Take the attention away from your gobbler neck and non existent jaw line by covering it up with layers of fabric. 
• Long hair. Dye that stuff blonde and toss it around a few times. It's mesmerizing. People will love it.
• Tops with detailed or puffy shoulders. Oddly enough, they even out your body and make you look more like a normal human.
• Blazers & Jackets. Just cover it all up and people will have no choice but to ignore your body and focus on your dead sexy face.
• Carrie Underwood. Just do whatever she does. She's fabulous.

Stay Away From:

• High-Low tops. Want to cut your body in half and draw attention to your short stature? Wear one of those suckers. They do nothing for you when you're little like me.
• Boat neck tops. These are horrendous on us little ones. They'll make you look like a linebacker in an instant.
• Frumpy slouchy flat boots. Unless you're a big fan of The Hobbit.
• Sequins. No rhyme or reason, I just don't like them.
• Hats. You can't see anyone or anything but the ground and the person's rear end in line in front of you at Publix.

So there's your style guide if you're short. Live and breathe by it. You're welcome.