It’s a tall order to write about my thoughts on the past year. 

I frequently see new moms on Facebook post hashtags like #bestbabyever #happybaby #angelbaby. I also see a lot of smiling infants, perfectly precious in their trendy hair bows and smocked dresses free of vomit and spit up from crying too hard. 

That was not my baby. I had no right or reason to post one of those hashtags, because it would have been a bold faced lie. 

My first year with Eva has been hard. Really hard. While I was pregnant, a friend told me that I was “scared sh*tless”. In her defense, I said something to her that was offensive so she wasn’t very happy with me. Wait, Carly said something offensive? It’s hard to believe, I know. I deserved it though. She was wrong at that time. I was not scared, not a bit. I was excited. I thought I was very prepared and knew exactly what I was getting myself in to. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew I would have sleepless nights, my clothes would be covered in baby bodily fluids, my showers would be few and far between, and the baby would cry when hungry, tired, and sometimes for fun. I knew all of this. I wasn’t scared…but I should have been. 

Eva arrived very close to how I had hoped. I wanted it to be dramatic. I frequently said that I wanted my water to break in the middle of a meeting at work, in the ethnic foods aisle of the grocery store, or even at home. I didn’t want to be induced because that’s no fun. I wanted Eva to catch us all off guard. Little did I know, that’s exactly what she planned to do from the moment she entered this World and I’m pretty sure she will continue doing so as her life progresses. 

When my water broke, at home (ugh I really wanted the Ethnic Foods aisle), it was at about midnight on October 11th. I was so beside myself excited and in shock that my chin was chattering and I had to sit on my hands to keep them from shaking uncontrollably. I was ready though. My bag was packed, the nursery was waiting on her, Owen was there and prepared, it was time! Fast forward 30 hours from the time I arrived in the hospital, Eva still hadn’t made her debut. Cue “I’m so sorry but we have to do an emergency C-Section, you’re spiking a fever and that could mean a possible infection or complications for the baby”. Most women would break down in tears. This wasn’t the plan! However, I was pumped! Get this kid out of me. I’m ready to meet her! And bonus points, I don’t have to wear granny panties for weeks to come since she’s coming out a different “route” if you will Let’s do this! 

Owen and I met our precious, quiet, and absolutely beautiful daughter (she looked just like Owen, thank goodness) at 6:45am on October 13th. Holding your own child in your arms for the first time is indescribable. Eva was real and in my arms because of love and because of God. Nothing else could have made this miracle happen but God, I’m certain. I kept saying to Owen “I can’t believe she’s ours. We get to take that thing home! We don’t have to give her back!” He quickly became the best daddy. Before Eva, Owen had never held a baby. For some reason, he immediately knew how to change a diaper and support her neck just right. I’m a believer in Daddy Instincts. Although, I also believe in Daddy Amnesia. He may have forgotten how to change dirty diapers now that they’re more delicious than ever. 

The first few weeks were wonderful. We were worried over every little thing with Eva but she was easy. She didn’t cry often, she took decent naps, and she was just so darn fun to stare at. She had jaundice but that was easy to remedy. I remember friends asking “Is she always this easy?” “Does she ever cry?” I’d glow and say “Yep she’s just an easy baby I guess”. Eva must have heard me say that and began planning her revenge from that moment on. 

Once Eva became about a month old everything, for me, started to unravel. She would cry. And cry. And cry. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her. I was a new mom but I knew this wasn’t right. Owen was at work all day so when we would talk throughout the day he’d tell me this is normal. She’s a baby. Babies cry. However, he wasn’t enduring what I was enduring. She was so unhappy. I was positive she hated life and wanted to crawl back inside. There came a point where I’d cry harder than she would. It was a competition. I totally won, you little baby. 

Intermission: Just typing this about my first few months with Eva makes my stomach sick. 

Eva was miserable for so long and so was I. Poor Owen would come home from work to a wife filled with anxiety worse than most humans will ever experience and a baby who lost her mind if you stopped swaying her while walking from room to room. The one positive during this time is that my baby weight fell right off due to my stress. It’s always nice to find the positives right? Okay back to the negatives… Owen and I would fight, a lot. I would fight with everyone though. No one understood what I was going through. Owen watched as I changed Eva’s diaper one night and kindly said to me “you missed a little right there” and I went NUCLEAR on him. I didn’t miss it! I did a great job! Stop picking on me! You’re not here with me all day! You don’t get to tell me how to change a diaper! You do it then!  Y’all… I was a nut job. I wasn’t myself.

One of the few times during the day that Eva would not be crying was when she was eating but that time quickly became riddled with screams and tears. WHAT WAS HAPPENING?! First, the pediatrician thought it was reflux. No problem, she will take Zantac. That didn’t help much. I would post on Facebook about how this was so difficult. Caring moms would offer their advice. I hated all of it. Stop judging me, I would think. Stop thinking you know how to fix my baby when I can’t even fix her. Eventually our pediatrician recommended and referred us to a Pediatric Gastroenterologist. I have never been more excited and anxious for a doctor appointment. It took weeks to get in with a GI doctor but when Eva was about 3.5 months that day finally came. I had prayed that the GI Doctor would solve all of our problems. And she did, well, she solved the worst of our problems. Eva had a milk allergy. She only had to quickly look at Eva to know that was what was going on. Apparently when a baby is allergic to dairy, it gets wrinkles under it’s eyes. That’s a tell tale sign. Why didn’t I notice the wrinkles?! Other symptoms include constant spit up and vomit (check), mucus in bowel movements (check), constant crying especially while eating and after eating (triple check), and a horrible diaper rash and/or yeast infection (checky check). 

Eva quickly started Neocate formula. It’s an amino acid based formula and super expensive and can only be ordered online. I didn’t even care. We would spend about $380 on formula every 3 weeks. I imagine this is the amount of money moms of twins spend on formula. I didn’t have twins though. Eva is already so expensive and high maintenance. She get it from her momma. Neocate helped within just a few weeks. It was a night and day difference. Literally. She would be happy during the day and actually slept at night without screaming. Thank you Neocate, enjoy our money! 

While we were getting Eva’s little tummy and digestive system on the mend, we were simultaneously dealing with never ending double ear infections. These started at 3 months. As soon as she would end a round of antibiotics, her ears would become infected again within days. Our baby never slept through the night. Not once since she was born. These days doctors apparently try their best to steer away from tubes to remedy ear infections. Tubes are a last resort. Every time I’d go back to the pediatrician’s office I’d wish for those beautiful words to come out of her mouth “I’m going to refer you to an ENT.” They never did until Eva’s 7th double ear infections. At that point, I think the doctor could see it in my face that I was done putting my child on medicine constantly, and done with seeing Eva continue to go through discomfort. Eva received her beautiful tiny plastic tubes at 7 months of age. That was a stressful day but a beautiful day! For some babies, they don’t help, for some they fall out, for us, they’ve been wonderful. Thank you Lawd! 

From 8 months forward, we’ve had a #happybaby, #bestbabyever, and a #angelbaby. She’s still a #divababy but I don’t foresee that ever changing, and I kind of love it about her. 

Reflecting back, year one has been so incredibly hard. There have been so many tears, yelling, and anxiety riddled break downs. But there have also been so many smiles, so many laughs and giggles, so much happiness and excitement. Being a new mom is hard. If you’re pregnant right now and reading this, know that. It’s hard. But if you get a difficult baby like myself, know it’ll get better and know you’re not alone. There are countless (SO many) moms who pretend to have the perfect baby, best daddy for their baby ever, best clothes, best all-natural products, best breast feeding boobs (because that’s a thing ya know), and best life imaginable. Don’t believe them. They cry too. Their baby has melt downs. Their baby poops all over their favorite white blouse. Their baby has infant acne and cradle cap that they hide with blinding large bows. When they are folding their perfect laundry, their perfect baby has fallen off the bed (this happens more than you know – but not to my baby, we’re perfect). 

I can’t put into words or describe the feeling you experience when your baby hits a new milestone or just looks at you and genuinely smiles because she knows you’re her mommy and you know, in that smile, that she loves you too. 

Although this has been an extremely challenging year, it’s been the best year because of that 17 pounds of human that Owen and I made together. She’s everything I’ve prayed for and better. She’s independent yet needs attention at all times (again, she get it from her momma), she’s silly and tough, determined and animated. Everything about that little girl is perfect. She’s going to have the biggest personality as she continues to grow older and develop. She’s going to give Owen and I a lot to worry about but so much more to be proud of. She’s the type of person who will change the World and move mountains. Is it weird for me to be saying that about an almost one year old? Yep. But I’m certain of it. Plus, those Kink crystal blue eyes will get her anything and everywhere she wants.  

I’m so proud to call her mine and I hope one day she will say the same about me, her mommy. I feel like I’ve done a lot of things wrong in the first year, or there are many things I could have done better. My mother-in-law or sister-in-law brought up a great point when I told them that. They said “There’s a reason they can’t remember the first year of their life. They can’t hold it against you.” Perfectly said. God knew what he was doing when he made humans.

To Eva directly (because she can read, like I said, she’s perfect),

You are my whole World. It’s true when they say you will never know the love a mother has for a child until you have one of your own. You are a spitting image of your father. I love that so much not only because it means you are absolutely gorgeous but because I love your daddy. Whenever I look at you, I see him, and that fills my heart right up to the brim. Your smile is infectious. Your personality is bold and kind. I am so looking forward to watching you grow and learn. And each time you succeed, I can’t wait to be right there next to you telling you “I told you, you could do it, you can do anything”. You are my greatest achievement and will continue to be, unless we have another child, then you both will be. But that’s not likely. I love you more than anything ever. I would say that to you when I was pregnant with you and I’ve meant it since the day I knew you had a heartbeat. I couldn’t see past me, until I saw your face, sweet Eva Grace.

Keep growing and learning, my sweet little diva. You are the biggest blessing. Your birthday is truly the best day of my life. 

 

My parents recently got what I like to call convoluted, which really means con validated, which really means married again (not to be confused with remarried as they've been married for 30 something years) in the Catholic church. I took a video of the whole thing for them to remember forever and ever. Said video includes everything from people saying the Catholic prayers to me getting the "stop it now or you're going in time out" eye from the priest for taking flash photography.

As mentioned in a previous post, we recently embarked on the adventure of redoing our master bedroom. By redoing I basically mean we got a king size bed and some matching furniture. I didn't replace the carpets or put in molding or anything crazy. I haven't lost my mind.

Here's our old bedroom lookin' all gorgeous and stuffs (below, but don't scroll too far and ruin the surprise of the new room). To be honest though, I loved that bedding. It was a wedding gift from Owen's parents that we registered for. It's really nice and a damask print; a close second to paisley print in my home decor prints favorites list.

*Tip: Click on the photos to enlarge*

The furniture I believe used to be Owen's parents as well as the double pillow top queen mattress. It was very comfortable but not great for O's back. He is getting old after all. I've seen some gray hairs sprouting. I'm a fan of gray, like the Eric Dane look, salt n' peppa head. O's not quite there yet but one day my friends, one....day. Speaking of gray, I'm a bit perturbed (I know big words, I paid attention in school, sometimes). I do not like how gray can be spelled two ways and there's really no rhyme or reason as to when one should be used over the other. In the apparel World the spelling 'grey' is used most often. I feel like that spelling should be reserved for last name's, not to describe a color. But who am I? Merriam Webster?

Basically everything in this bedroom is/was O's in some shape or form. It didn't really feel like it was 'ours'. Actually, I contributed that sexy fan over there in the corner. Nice touch although it gathers dust and needs to be cleaned often, of which I don't do. A little dust up the nose or in the lungs makes you stronger and more rugged. We bought the bench recently at TJ Maxx for Birdie. She got in the habit of jumping straight off the edge of the bed to the hard ground. I was worried she was going to break a leg or a nail or take a nasty stumble. It took an hour or two to teach her to jump from the foot of the bed to the bench. She eventually caught on and became a pro. Guinness also starting using it to creep onto the bed when mommy wasn't looking. Does anyone know whether or not a dog can cause your face to be oily by laying on your pillow? Owen doesn't think so but I'm beginning to wonder. Or how about when he turns just right before plopping down so that his butt hole is perfectly placed on my pillow where I lay my dainty face. How about then? Does oil come out of a dog's butt?

Exhibit A: Look at those gorgeous 70's white ball light things. Just adorable. They're fun to bang your head on. There's Guinness' dog bed in the left corner. He peed on it once. On the wall you'll find Owen's diplomas for his undergrad and masters at Clemson. What a smart little boy I have. Between those is his weird abstract statue which is kind of cool. I made sure to incorporate it in a our 'remodel' so he could kiss it good night. On the right hand side you'll see my full length mirror. It's probably only 4 ft tall but we're short in our family. It worked. I sat there each morning and did my makeup because that big white ball gave off the best lighting for a perfect makeup application. Oh... there's Bird's trusty bench. It's a keeper.

Now, my little buggy boos, it's time for THE BIG REVEAL. Again, like I said it's just new furniture and a painted wall and some sheets and stuff but all of that sure did make a heck of a difference. I need to see if I can hire my mother-in-law and sister-in-law Christy on contract to install molding and perhaps a tray ceiling, oh and some hardwoods. They're crafty. Have I mentioned how talented Christy is? I can't recall. She literally guts her house, herself, and installs cool new stuff like custom closets and bathrooms. She cuts and drills and glues and sands, the works. All while maintaining perfectly kept long blonde hair and juggling kiddos and a husband who loves home cooked healthy meals. She has a blog where she posts about the updates she does to her home and the crafts she creates. I highly recommend reading it. Your mind will be blown. Go visit Confessions of a Serial Do-It-Yourself.

Without further adieu (this should be spelled uhdo)... I present to you... OUR BEDROOM REDONE & CHANGED & MADE PRETTY!

 BAZINGA! I just love it, don't you? If you don't that's not important because you don't have to sleep in it, I do. That right thurrr is a king size bed with lots of space for forward rolls, headstands, and other gymnastic moves. Hey hey now there's Bird's trusty bench looking all cute in its new room. Let's break this down...
The bedding is a down comforter (not alternative, we splurged). I've never had one before and I super love it. The duvet cover and matching shams are from Bed Bath & Beyond and the collection is called Harbor House Lincoln Duvet Set. It's so perfect. I could not find anything I liked so I enlisted the help of my extremely talented interior design friend Paisley of Designs by Paisley. She sent this to me in a text message while I was out shopping and I instantly fell in love. She knows me, well all of her clients, so well. If you need interior design help, give her a call. I cannot rave enough. I also got the sheets from BB&B as well as the additional king sized pillows. So many pillows, so little time to lay on them all!
Isn't the furniture just gorgeous? I can't believe Owen's friend was selling this set. It was fate or destiny or serendipity or a mix of all three.
This pillow may just be my favorite piece in the room. I really wanted a personalized pillow but it had to be feather and not stupid looking. I began my search on regular home decor store websites and then moved over to etsy. After searching through pages of stupid pillows, I came across this not so stupid pillow. It was perfect. The sample on the etsy shop had basic serif font but the girl who made the pillow worked with me and did a script font which worked better with our short last name. Her name is Megan and her shop on etsy is MCompany. I don't see this pillow on her site currently but I'm sure she just hasn't re-listed this style. You can message her directly if you want one of your own. It's made of burlap and would not be comfy to actually lay your head on but it looks good and that's all that matters. Beauty is on the outside after all, am I right ladies? Plus, if your kids misbehave, you can make them sleep with it instead of their normal pillow. That'll teach 'em!


Here's a look at the other side of the bed. That's my side. It's so snuggly and fluffy. On either side of the bed I hung two frames with our monogram in them. I'll probably replace them later but they'll do for now. I, of course, created and printed the monograms myself and can do one for you too! Just say the words and you can have your very own! Stop by my etsy shop CarLynn Creations or my facebook page CarLynn Creations & Design Studio to check out some other pieces I've done recently. I really am having so much fun with my new little creative hobby.
Let's get a little closer to the night stands shall we...

Here's a closeup of one of the pendant lights. It has a cool rustic finish to it. It gives off more of a yellow  light which I don't love but I guess I'll deal with it. The second picture is of my beautiful flower arraignment I made all by my self. I'm a big girl now. Those are silk hydrangeas or gardenias, whatever. Then I put in some blue pearlized pebbles and some adorable fake corks I found at Michaels. When in doubt, always go to Michaels. They have the best deals especially on frames. Download their app on your iPhone to have coupons at your fingertips when checking out. They should pay me for this endorsement!

Here's O's night stand. It doesn't always look like this. This is his favorite spot to put lint from his jeans pocket and crumpled up receipts as well as pennies (because who wants pennies? They're like the red headed step child of the US coins). Oh wait a second, wait. a. second. there it is, O's trusty statue. Told you it would be in the new room. Wife of the Year Award? Yep! Check out the gorgeous counter top. It's on all of the furniture. I just love it.

Bird's bench with a pillow, in case she trips and needs to break her fall. Believe it or not she has figured out how to jump over the foot of the sleigh bed, onto the bench, and then onto the ground in one big hop. I don't know if this is safer than just jumping off the side of the bed but oh well. I give up. I also posted this photo because I forgot to get a good one of the new full length mirror. This will have to do. It's a whopping 7 feet tall instead of 4. This means you can stand real up close to it and still see your whole body. Genius.
Andddd here is the other side of the room. Not as exciting but so very pretty and MUCH better than the desk and filing cabinet huh? Again, loooove the counter top. It fit the TV and my pretty pictures perfectly. There's no fun keyboard drawer for the DVR but I'll let that slide.

To finish off the tour here are some miscellaneous pictures I took to really make you fall in love with the details of our new room; including pics of the fur babies...

Oops I almost forgot something really cool. Like many of you, I am signed up to receive LivingSocial and Groupon deals. Back in August maybe there was an awesome deal for custom canvas prints from Fabness.com of which I snapped up. It was like $99 for 3 canvases. Something like that. These aren't crappy canvases either. They're on a real sturdy wood  base, not cardboard, and are done exactly as specified. I've seen this same deal a few times since purchasing mine so I recommend being on the look out. I decided to do one wedding picture that spans across all three canvases. The plan was to put them above our bed but once I received them I decided they didn't look right in that location. I'm still looking for their home. I'll take suggestions if you have one! When ordering my canvases I scoured over all the pictures I had of Owen and I and found that this wedding picture would fit perfectly. I didn't want the colors in the photo to be bright like they were originally so I desaturated the photo a bit. I also added a quote that I absolutely adore and truly feel represents how I feel about our marriage. Whoa there, am I getting sappy? He is my honey boo (not to be confused with the chubby little pageant girl honey boo boo). I can't wait to hang my canvases eventually!

 Soooo... the question... are you guys in love with our new bedroom? Do you want to move in? Do forward rolls on the bed? Have a slumber party (girls only)? Thought so, but you're not invited.
*Special thanks to Jennifer B. for letting me borrow her nice camera! You're my favorite Jennifer! - for now*

 Real life hell. Remember making lambs, easter bunnies, snowmen, and clouds out of these puffs of evil?

Just put this together to show an example of what I may do. Adorable for a nursery. Fake frame not included.

Or perhaps something like this.

oooooh ahhhhhhh.... so many numbers

Oh hi there Dad. Keep up the good work slugger.